It has just been a shitty couple of days. I feel inadequate at my current job (and I just got myself on wefeelfine.org), there's rumor that the ex is moving back, and the musician...well...fuck. I have grad school auditions starting this Sunday and I am losing faith in myself. I don't want to show my pieces to coaches because I'm almost ashamed of them. Maybe all I'm good for is teaching, not acting. This is just so hard. I had this great confidence somewhere recently and now I can't seem to find it. I love theatre but I don't love bad theatre. It just seems impossible to actually be a part of good theatre. I have the heart but I'm not sure I have the talent. Have I been deluding myself for so long? Am I one of those actors who really can't act but has no idea? Frankly, I don't know.
I have tears constantly threatening to sneak past my hard swallowing and I'm at work. I just want to hide in the bathroom and sob my eyes out but I can't. I'm at work. This day is going to be a long one.
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