Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Game

They're both equally shitty in my personal opinion. I play the game. I play the game very well. I hate the game and logically, I guess, I hate myself...? There is one thing that I hate more than the game; People who don't realize you are playing the game with them. I suppose this comes down to a lack of confidence or sheer panic shortly followed by denial.

Perhaps I'm too stealthy. Granted, I've been known to give my targets far more credit than deserved, but when I am being blatant I would hope they'd be aware enough to at least have an inkling.

There are moments in the game that are euphoric. My friend Kiera refers to this as the "Christmas Eve" of the pending or doomed relationship. Referring to that unbelievable feeling you had as a kid of agonizing anticipation for the arrival of Christmas morning and the ensuing slaughter of wrapping paper. I feel like I'm in the sequel to "Ground Hog's Day" aptly titled, "Christmas Eve."

This is the most frustrating process of all time. More so because every time I'm ready to throw in the towel (sports pun intended) there are those cinematic moments in a cozy coffee shop. Camera pans to a wide angle and we see crowded coffee tables highlighted in warm yellow lights. Close up of male lead staring in the distance with a look of longing. Cut to female lead sipping coffee with a friend. She turns her head and shyly catches his gaze a la Hepburn. Cut to male lead who quickly drops his gaze and continues typing on his laptop. Scene.

Yeah, I caught him through the crowd staring at me with that oh so familiar look on his face. And it plunged me back into the chess match. I bought him a coffee to go and wrote a very simple line across the top of the lid. He accepted it warmly. I said goodnight and went home.

I'm half debating writing him a note on wide-rule notebook paper with the classic "Check the Box. Yes___ No___ Maybe___" at the bottom. It may be more simple if we could all go back to the sixth grade in terms of relationships. I suppose in those terms, he and I are "talking" but then again that may be an over statement. I think right now, he's merely discovering his existence in this scenario, if even that. I'm waiting for the opportunity to present it's self so I can make a bold move. I have a feeling I'll be waiting for quite some time.