Mourning Rituals.

This morning, I'm oddly overwhelmed by a sense of peace. I'm at the stage in my "mourning the loss of the life I so desperately wanted" where I finally start to deflate a little bit. I'm okay and today, for the first time, I've believed it. I also put my future goals into perspective a little bit. I realized that I have 15-18 months before I can move to Denver. When you look at it, 15 isn't that big of a number and I have a feeling it will sneak up on me. Look at college, 48 months. Did it seem like 48 months to anyone else? It sure as hell only felt like 3 to me. Granted, a lot can happen in such a short amount of time but I'm not afraid of it. Then there's the grad school factor, I may not even have 15 months, I may only have 9.

I still haven't decided if I am going to audition this year. At the moment, the desire to get into grad school doesn't outweigh the dreading of all the shit I have to do just to apply, not to mention, the actual audition process. I do want to go back to NYC for a few days in January again. I like New York at that time of year. Bitterly cold and gray. The reason I like the cold and the gray is because I think of the warm refuge inside golden lit restaurants and shops and the best chai tea of all time. I think I'm going to start praying for the ability to be more decisive or I'm just going to take a week long vacation to London in May. One of the two.